3 Things You Can Do With A Youth That Is Addicted…Mistakes
If you’re one of the struggling parents or guardians who wants to understand their youth for the bigger picture, then pay careful attention to these three communication and self-preservation mistakes and how every struggling parent or guardian needs to avoid them.
Mistake #1: Trying To Be A Friend Instead Of Parenting
The #1 thing you need to understand with this is this: parents or guardians don’t know what to do so the first thing they try to do is be a friend instead of being the parent, to be in their good graces. Deep down these youth want love or affection and somewhere they thought you stopped.
The most important thing right here is open communication and respect. Many of the times it is something that happened deep down. Because you have never dealt with this type of situation it is key to have that for the future because inside they are crying for help but really don’t know where to turn too.
Steering clear of this mistake is critical for every struggling parent or guardian’s success with communication and self-preservation because 9 out of 10 times it will get worst and go down a deeper rabbit hole that you can’t get out of emotionally, financially and sometimes physically wear and tear.
So the next logical step here to avoid this mistake is to be supportive of open communication and look at how things can change together. The one thing to keep in mind is to understand where it all comes from and address those issues before it gets worst. It could be anger for something, it might be some sort of attention. Find the root of the cause and have a start to work together.
Mistake #2: Not Drawing A Line In The Sand And Setting Boundaries
The bottom line for struggling parents or guardians with this mistake is that most addicted youth will throw things in the parent or guardian’s face, but you have to stand your ground but still be supportive for your own preservation. Trust me it gets really nasty at times, but you have to tell yourself what is the bigger picture in all of this.
The most important thing to get with making this mistake is you will get run over, manipulated, and get robbed of emotions, money, time and so much more. Addiction is a nasty thing with the youth because they don’t have a handle on emotions or experiences.
This comes next because if you don’t… if you give in to the tantrums it will get worst and the bigger the problems get. Having that boundaries set the tone and explains what you are willing and not willing to do.
Bottom line: stand your ground with truthful communication.
Mistake #3: Not Seeking Any Type Of Help
The important thing to understand with this is there are many ways to get help, you just have to find the right program that matches the personality of your youth. Some want different things, like a boot camp, some want to just feel things out, some need that in house education. Find out what works for your youth.
Struggling parents or guardians need to avoid this mistake because things will get and can get much worst, jail time, prison time, deeper addiction, depressions, suicide all of these things don’t line up with what anyone wants in the future.
You need to pay attention to this because if you don’t the outcome will be one of those I mentioned at the top, and it will end up being much worst if you don’t take action now, or at least start looking for something that can keep your sanity in place.
So the next logical step here is to find a 3rd party, or professional service to help you out by the state or find a program that your youth wants to be a part of that is bigger than what they are going through right now. Most parents or guardians think it will work out on their own.
ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE THAT GAMBLE?
Obviously this article about communication and self-preservation mistakes to avoid only touches the surface of all the things a struggling parent or guardian will need to know. Take the time to keep learning about the right methods to understand your youth for the bigger picture so you can achieve the title of successful “struggling parent or guardian!” It will be time well spent.
And here’s one more thing before I forget. Did you realize, we run a free organization that helps both parents and youth on how every struggling parent or guardian can understand their youth for the bigger picture!
Giving you the best to help you on this journey.
TRANSCRIPTS DOWN BELOW
Gordon Wat (00:00):
All right. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the Saturday show. Last week we had a, we had a little hiccup. I had a personal engagement, but welcome to episode number 14, where, and this episode we’ll be talking to my co-host or what used to be my co-host, bringing him back on his show. Right? Episode 14. My host is my, my name is Gordon ward. I’ll be your host for the real talk, real stories, real change and real topics. We’re going to put on this trailer. You ain’t going to want to miss this because I’ve been doing with this, this exact thing. That’s why we named it. How to deal with the youth that is addicted, what every parent or person holding on to second chances with communication and self preservation means to them. We’re going to run this trailer and it will be good to go.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Gordon Wat (01:18):
Welcome back. Welcome back to our Saturday edition of real talk, real stories. I have a special guest today, mr. Julian. Miralis it’s here with mr. Julian Morales coming in right here, mr. Julian morass. Welcome back to the show. He used to be my coach, but you know, as time goes along, things change, everything changed because of the situation we’re using with COVID and everything else. But I just wanted to say, I just went and welcome back. We rekindled our relationship rekindle. We haven’t, we haven’t lost our relationship, but it’s, it just goes to show that we can always come back better and stronger and everything else. But today’s episode was going to be an episode, number 14, whether you’re going to be listening on the podcast or you’re watching this live. We encourage a lot of people. And who is mr. Julian?
Gordon Wat (02:06):
Julian Morales. He’s a C I got a bunch of notes right over here. As soon as this is an expert in youth and youth and addiction, whose accomplishments include CEO, executive director of real talk program, El Paso, right? Most of his time and management variable. And if you want to know some of the, some of the things you can watch, the replays, he’s also legally blind, and owes, everything about his site to the Lord up above it’s. A former Latin King has, has turned his life over to the Lord and has been changing lives. Ever since that, that he’s been moving forward and is changing the community of El Paso. Texas been been a part of our organization for about two years now, and yet maybe even branched off on his own, did his own things. And he’s helping communities along his state with his past experiences and things that might be able to be able to change the way we view things. But he’s been going through some personal endeavors, just like I have. And that’s why we named it. How do you deal with the, a youth that is addicted? What every parent or person holding onto second chances needs to know. All right, welcome back, mr. Julian Morales, you got the helm. Let me take these things off the screen and give us a little bit of all just started for the new viewers that don’t really know us.
Julian Morales (03:28):
Gordon Gordon. Good morning. Good morning, viewers. Thank you for having me back on Gordon. Like Gordon said, I am the CEO and executive director of real talk here in El Paso. Before that I was a construction manager. And before that I was a CEO of a drug empire from Mexico all the way up to Kansas city, Chicago, you name it. I was there. That was addicted to meth for a long time. Cocaine marijuana never really drank mother addiction was kicking doors in and taking, taking people’s things. You know, you get to a point where, where the drugs and the sex just isn’t fulfilling anymore. You need to find more excitement. Some people skydive and people like myself. We can’t afford to go take a, a skydiving trip. We’d like to kick doors in and, and get some excitement, right? That’s, that’s the kind of background that I come from. Like Gordon said, I did give my life to the Lord two years ago and you know, life has changed ever since my, the motives of my heart have changed. My wants my desires. And most importantly, I’m able to love now and give back to the community as you’ve been doing Gordon and following your footsteps and everybody’s footsteps down there in Las Vegas. And so we brought real talk to El Paso and, and here we are.
Gordon Wat (04:58):
Oh, absolutely. I mean, it’s just been a pleasure to watch you grow also as an organization, as a person, but, you know, today’s topic is really, really, really close to close to your heart and my heart. Cause I’m going through the same things with this situation with my nieces. Yes. But not a similar situation. And this is why you took a little bit of leave of absence, explain to the viewers or the people listening what’s been going on for ’em since that situation, without me bringing it all out to you.
Julian Morales (05:29):
So, so you know, I took like a month hiatus from real talk real topics. And then from real talk, real stories, real change. I had some real stuff happen in my life. So I have, I have a son who’s 15 and he has an older brother and older brother reached out. And when my wife had a dream that he was suicidal. So we reached out and turns out that he was so he said he wanted to come to El Paso and give it a try. Part of the stipulation was that he would have to go to a rehab first because he, he is addicted to meth and marijuana and cigarettes and drinking to me, he just turned 17. So we sent him to the rehab pulled a lot of strings. God made it, got alot, of it to happen. And we got him in and two weeks in, he he decides that he’s ready to come home.
Julian Morales (06:25):
And I told him he can come out. I’m not gonna force him to do anything that he’s not ready to do, but that he wasn’t going to be able to live with me. I wasn’t gonna let him in the house. Until he completed the program, you know, I have, I have my wife and I have my son to protect. So we picked him up. We picked them up on a Thursday and then on a Friday before we were about to send them back home, he decided to try to burn the house down. What? Yeah, so the, the whole stove was on fire. My, my son smelled, it, caught it. So we, we, we ended up taking him back to California, but it was a growing experience. The weeks that he was here I got to learn a lot first and foremost to appreciate my son, the one that I have here, custody of, I didn’t realize, I didn’t realize how easy I have it with him as much as I complained as much as I, I don’t like some of his ways.
Julian Morales (07:27):
I’m very appreciative of the young man he’s become because I haven’t felt with him what I had to feel with this young man. Being scared to go to sleep, being worried, to leave the house, not knowing what he was going to do. And with my son, I don’t have those worries. And it made me reflect and look back and just really appreciate him. And, and the steps that he’s taken to change the second lesson. And it went a little deeper because I called my brother and my sister and a few people that helped me along the way. See when I was nine years old, I was my sister got cancer and my mom had to be with my sister 24 seven. So I was kind of abandoned, not abandoned in the way you think, but ultimately it’s abandonment. I was alone.
Julian Morales (08:13):
And my, my brother and sister and their, and their spouses try taking me in. And all I did was steal from them and cause problems at school. And so when I went through this with a child that has no blood relation to me, except that he’s related to my son it was hard for me to want to give him another chance. So it made me appreciate the many chances. My brother and sister and others took on me while I was growing up doing the same things this guy was doing. And so I had to call a lot of people and just, just apologize. And, and, and it made me realize that these people didn’t give up on me. When I was young, I was giving up on myself. I was making the choices to not accept the help, to not want the love, to not want to change, to not take correction.
Julian Morales (09:10):
And through this experience, you know, the Bible says that through every experience, every situation get the most, get the most out of it and learn the lesson from it. And, and these are the lessons that I’ve learned is one it’s humbled me to realize my son isn’t as bad as I imagined him to be appreciating him more. And two that my family put up with a lot with me rowing and I needed to go back and apologize and be thankful for, for them not giving up on me as easily as I gave up on this young man.
Gordon Wat (09:46):
Right, right, right. It just goes to show that, you know, a lot of the times, the people that love you the most is the ones that is giving you so much chances to change, to communicate, to have a little bit of self preservation in, in a situation that as, as a young adult, I’ll say a youth naitivity, the kind of like overwhelms you because you want to be your own person. You want to be your own thing. But at the same time, you know, going through that with your son, I’m doing, I’m doing the exact same thing with my two nieces. Right? Yeah. And you know, one of the main things that I, from my past experiences from having these second, third, fourth chances is being able to,ugive my wisdom, my knowledge, the things that would never, never even be,ube a part of my life. If I didn’t go through it and survived it, let me ask, let me ask you this. What, what would be, you know, a lot of people’s going to be watching this and replay, listening to sound on the podcast. What is the most important first step in dealing with a child or youth or somebody going in that direction through addiction that you see from your experience?
Julian Morales (10:57):
So my first hand experience, cause this isn’t the first time that I’ve tried to intervene in someone’s life, I guess you would say. Right? Right. and what’s worked, what’s worked for me. And, and, and even though my stepson left the purpose was still served, you know, God planted his seed, but the initial, the initial is always addressing with real, with truth, with speaking, what is there and getting to the root of the problem. Right? So for instance, with, with my stepson I did, I did point out a lot of things to him before he left. And I did speak to him in truth, out of love with nothing but the truth. And I told him, you’re going to hear some things that you’re not going to like, and they’re going to sound very ugly to you. Right. But it’s the truth.
Julian Morales (11:51):
And until you look in the mirror and see the ugliness inside of you, you never gonna know what to change until, you know, what’s ugly about you inside. Right? And so, so when I deal with, I did point out a lot of it, a lot of things that I saw right out the bat, you know, his selfishness, you know, you call, you want to help. We moved the world for you. You come down and then you want to go home now and you’re done. And you’re it. And I pointed that out to him. I said, look, that’s very selfish. You know, you don’t know the things that happened backstage for you to come down here, you know, while you were in the rehab, my wife and I were looking for another home so that when you got out, you know, all of these things, I told them, I point them out not to throw them in your face, but I point, I point them out.
Julian Morales (12:40):
So you see the bridge that you just burned. And I told them, here’s the lesson. Here’s a hard lesson. You’re going to learn with me as this bridge is burned. No one taught me those lessons growing up, I would do people wrong and I would do this and that. And they were always there to pick me up and be a crutch for me. Right. So I told them, this is lesson one. You’re going to learn what a burned bridge looks like. You can never cross this bridge again. You know? So, so part of addressing the issue is, is getting to the truth of the matter, pointing out these things that we have been able to point out in ourselves and make a change, you know, through RDAP. And I don’t know if he took the art that program, the 500 hour residential drug abuse treatment in prison. And, and all of these things do work, looking in the mirror, calling those things out for what they are not sugarcoating them, accepting truth for truth, as ugly as it is. And and then changing that, right? It’s like, it’s like, I tell people, if you don’t like something, I’m saying it and it fits you take that shoe off, buy another pair of shoes. You don’t have to wear those pair of shoes just cause they fit today. Don’t mean they’re for you. You can always change them.
Gordon Wat (13:55):
Right. Right, right. Yeah. I’m going through that with my mom is probably, I’m going to be watching this in Hawaii later on. Cause I’m going through that exact same thing with my two nieces. Right. I want to say they’re both they’re teenagers now. Right? In fact, one is one is older already one, but I gave them the hard truth about exactly what you just said with living with my mom, living with my brother down there. My sister in law is trying to help them out by give them the hard, the hard core, core code truth, because they used to pick up my phone. I never met them until I came back up and I did grew up with me just listening to me on the phone. So they have a certain respect for me, but I showed them. I actually told them, you know, you don’t want to burn this bridge, but I can give you the cold, hard truth.
Gordon Wat (14:41):
And, and actually the teenager right now is actually doing, doing things so that she don’t want to burn the bridge. So be able to have grandma and make her life be able to have me in their life. She’s actually applying for a youth, a six month camp right now. That’s a, like, almost like a bootcamp. And it’s, it’s, it’s something that, you know, I give them the higher truth. You don’t want to end up like me. You don’t want to end up like us, like, you know, for you Julian. Former Latin King did the dirties mom, mom was on drugs, used to sell your mom drugs. So you know, the pitfalls of everything that, so let me ask you, this is that type of hardcore communication in your eyes, knowing what, what you know now, right? Holding onto your second chance, holding onto your second son, your wife, you new houses. How does it relate to our viewers and how can he change that in a way that can benefit them,
Julian Morales (15:41):
Man, it’s it’s it’s tough. It’s tough. It’s tough to try to change anyone. Right? It needs to come. It needs to come from within. The one advice that I can give that, that I never got. And then that I believe works to this day has never given up on someone and, and remaining consistent in their life. Now, when I say never giving up doesn’t mean don’t give them that $40 when they call begging. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean not giving up that way. It means having the door, having a phone open, having your door open for whenever they’re ready. Right. Because if you’re not ready, it’s like, it’s like, it’s like my stepson. He wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready for it. And unless you’re ready, you’re not going to change. But if no, one’s there, when you’re ready and you knock on the door and you’re asking for help, then, then, then you’re really in a bad situation.
Julian Morales (16:44):
So if you’re out there struggling, if you have nieces and nephews, kids, and they’re going through this and you’re at wit’s end and you’ve, you’ve already, I’m just not going to answer their phone. Call them, tend to give up, forget about them to me, their dead don’t do that. Answer that phone, that after that knock on the door, because you never know when that’s that one second, when they’re just ready to give up and change and, and, and we need to be there for those, for those times when their hearts open and they’re ready is to be there and correct that
Gordon Wat (17:21):
It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s so interesting too, to think that you don’t mean a lot of the times, let me, let me ask you a straight off, straight out question. How many, since now that you’re a change man and everything else, right? This is going to be something kind of personal. How many bridges you think you burned that you would have to make amends with it?
Julian Morales (17:47):
So I, I did a lot when I first came to God and I truly repented and forgave forgave, a lot of people first and foremost, forgave myself. And then I asked for forgiveness to a lot of people, and these were bridges that I burned and torched and then took the wood and pick my teeth with, and, and guess what? These people open their hearts back to me.
Gordon Wat (18:16):
You mean, get, give us, give us, give us a perfect story of one that sticks out to you about this exact topic.
Julian Morales (18:24):
Alright. So my my brother, my brother and I since I’ve gotten out of prison, he’s been my number one cheerleader, but he’s also been my hardest critic. And he’s been the one he’s been the one to hold me accountable. Just a couple of months ago, we did an episode and I, it was my 10 year anniversary of being out. And instead of, instead of him being happy, he said, you’re still three years short from how long you were inside to 10 years, 10 years doesn’t impress me. But, but it’s it’s a bridge that we’re building right street with pillars, with anchor bolts. And that bridge is getting repaired slowly. And it’s been 10 years Gordon. And believe me, every year, I find something new to ask for forgiveness. About every time he comes into town, he lives in Dallas. I live in El Paso.
Julian Morales (19:20):
Every time we see each other, I find that opportunity to see something where I’m able to apologize for, or, or call them out or say, you know what? You might be mad at me for all this, but I have stuff against you too. And we talk about it. And when I was 15, his wife kicked me out of the house. And that’s when I went into drug, dealing hardcore with the cartel because I had no other option except sell drugs or be homeless. And I went with with my family that sold drugs. And, and I, for a lot of years, I hated him because he allowed his wife to kick me out of the house. Right. But now that I’ve grown up and I become a father and I’ve become a husband, I’ve looked at that situation and I’ve been able to go back.
Julian Morales (20:10):
And even though he didn’t know, I hated him for that. Of course, I sat him down and I said, brother, I hated you for a long time since I was 15. And I’ve never been able to fully let it go. But now that I become a man, now that I know what it is to be a dad, to be a father, to be a husband, I apologize for hating you for so long for, for having this hate for thinking that it was your fault, that all this happened to me when, when it wasn’t, and as a husband and as a father, you were doing the best for your family. And now I see that. So that bridge is getting it’s built right now. And it’s still on, it’s still rocks back and forth. He does call me out on a lot. We’ve had our, we’ve had our serious fights.
Julian Morales (21:00):
You know, my mom had Alzheimer’s and when I went to prison I left my son with her and my family, my brother and my sisters. They all blame me for my mom having Alzheimer’s because of my son, my son was abused. When I got him at two years old, his teeth were rotten. He had bruises on his back lashes. He didn’t know how to talk. You bang his head on the floor. He would scream for eight or nine hours from all the abuse he had been through. And then I went, I went to prison and left him to my mother. So my whole family, that bridge was lit on fire. And they said, that’s it we’re done with you. We can’t believe you did this. But since I’ve been out, all of those bridges have been, some of them are completely rebuilt. Some of those are halfway there.
Julian Morales (21:49):
But the important thing is though, is I couldn’t just tell them. I was sorry, is everyone wanting to taste the pudding? Not just see that I was making pudding. They wanted to taste it. But now that the pudding is being made, you know, I have the organization that started. They’re seeing that I’m different. I don’t react to things the way I do. I don’t take this. I don’t make the decisions and life situations, knee jerk reactions anymore. Everything was well thought out, you know, knowledge, wisdom, you know, before I would have this situation with this kid, I would’ve just been, Oh, come on, come in here. We’ll take care of you. Not thinking of any repercussions from my family, my wife. So, you know, part of rebuilding bridges always has to be with us, bringing in fresh lumber and and, and to have fresh number, you have to produce good trees, right? So part of that is planting your trees, allowing them to grow and then bringing fresh number for you and those people to build fresh bridges together again, and and truly, truly asking for forgiveness and rebuilding rebuilding on, on those things that, that caused a bridge to burn.
Gordon Wat (23:06):
Right? Ready guys. It comes back to our second topic of the part of why you did this. It’s all about having self preservation, right? Self preservation, so that you don’t go down that dark road, just it’s like for many of our viewers or many of my friends, or many of your viewers that don’t really understand. And even like for parents just coming out, going, cause I can admit I abandoned one daughter. I in bed. I actually, it actually, I pretty much abandoned two daughters. One sec, my second daughter, I have not even ever met because I abandoned her. Cause I was all jacked up and doped up and everything else. But you know, part of self preservation and changing this, the situation around them. Yeah. Let me ask you this other question, right? How has you, how has your living on the streets be able to propel your self preservation, your emotions, your personal aspects when dealing with your son that was addicted on meth and everything else?
Julian Morales (24:10):
You know, the streets, the streets tailored me to be blunt, to be truthful and to always say what I mean, and to always mean what I say. So it helped me, it helped me deal with this situation and the other situations where I’ve tried to help people. And, and the fact that I can speak in truth. And no matter what they say to me is not going to hurt my feelings because I’ve been in their situation. And I know that when things come out of my mouth during those times, it’s the things that are in my heart, which are dark. They’re not of me. Right, right. So, so dealing, dealing with dealing with when my son or my stepson and just being able to, to be upfront and and to have those, those street values that I’ve had. And, and one other thing that the streets taught me was you can’t be as a BSR.
Julian Morales (25:08):
Right. And yeah, and this kid came in thinking I’m going to BS, I’m going to BS him. And I’m like, I’m the biggest BS or there ever was. Dude, the streets obviously has taught me to see fake for fake and real for real. And one thing I did tell this kid was a young man. You just yesterday, you’re crying for your grandma and your mommy. And and here you are trying to act like an adult today, smoking. I said, I said, which one is it? You want to be treated like a child or an adult. And that’s the problem with a lot of these kids these days is they want to be children in certain things. And then in other areas, they want to be, the goats are treating them as an adult all the time. Then we forget that the children like adults all the time.
Julian Morales (26:07):
So the one thing I did tell them, tell this young man was, look, if you’re going to act like a child just yesterday, I was treating you like a child. I was here for you. I was trying to encourage you to do the rehab, trying to convince you not to go home, trying to try to speak into you and guide you. But today you are to act like a grown man. Still one of my cigarettes go outside and smoke. So today I’m going to address you as a grown man. And that’s exactly what I did. But at the end of it, I brought it all back. And I said, interesting. If you were to take a, take a stance and say, I’m a child, treat me like one people would. And part of being a child is allowing yourself to be guided out yourself, to be corrected and allowing these people that love you to do what’s right for you.
Julian Morales (27:01):
You know? And a lot of the times we forget to tell these kids that the people that are they’re on your tail, the people that are they’re giving up their time, the most valuable thing that anyone has on this earth is time. And they’re giving it to you. And what you’re doing with it is throw it in the trash. Those are the people that love you. But we, you know, when you’re in the streets, you don’t understand, love, you think, Oh, they’re correcting me. They’re being mean because they’re not letting me do me. Right. Or I didn’t bring that back home with him in the sense of if you’re going to act like an adult, and this is what I did tell him, you’re going to be an adult. You need to start acting like, go today and get up off your butt and do something.
Julian Morales (27:48):
I said, if you’re going to be a child, like you were yesterday, crying for your mommy, crying for your Grammy. I said, then, then that’s okay too. But you have to be a child and allow us to treat you like more fully and not be Teeter tottering one day, you want to be an adult drinking, beer, drinking a beer, smoking cigarettes. And then the next example, my mommy, I can’t do rehab. Cause I miss my Grammy. Nah, man. And this is the truth. This is a real talks that we got to have. These kids just call them out on their BS, man.
Gordon Wat (28:22):
Oh, I do it all the time. Yeah. All the time. Because even like the same situation, just, this is why this is so important to me that we talk about this. Cause since junior went through the same thing, I’m going through the same thing with my nieces. Right? They can, they kind of pick and choose now, is it, is it our fault? Society’s fault. The parent’s fault for giving them too much leeway. Absolutely. I for one had too much freedom too smart, too much freedom. Right? Yeah. Made my own path because I wanted to be an adult before my ages right now, knowing, knowing certain things that you know, now that you have all this wisdom, you have all the street knowledge. I do the exact same thing with my nieces and the children. I taught that rule talk is when, when we say child guys, it’s just youth, right?
Gordon Wat (29:12):
Yeah. Because you’re there too. As the parent, especially for us with these type of street knowledge, experiences, and actually lived through it, it’s going to, it’s going to be something that can be beneficial to other youth, even their parents. Because sometimes when I talk to the parents right there at their wit’s end, they don’t know how to, they don’t know where to treat their child as an adult because they can. But at the same time, it’s it’s so it’s delicate balance. And that’s why we have, we built real talk for parents, youth, people that need some help that needs some extra into something else. Let me ask this. Let me ask you this another question. Where do you see parents being guardian grandparents? Where do you see them going wrong from your experiences?
Julian Morales (30:04):
Oh man. From my personal experience, you know, from two years ago, before those two years ago I thought I was a good parent. You know, I worked, I provided and I took my son on our many trips. We went to every Dallas child, went home game. We, we did universal studios. We did Disney world. We, we did all these things and I thought I was a good dad. And you know, I never called my son son before two years ago. Yeah. I had no love for him as a father, to a son. He, he was a burden to me. You know, I was a single father for seven years. So it, it changed me when I changed. I realize what a good father was and what I wasn’t leading up to this and that I was anything but a good father leading up to this.
Julian Morales (31:07):
Yes I provided, yes. I fed him. Yes. I clothed him. And that’s where it stopped. I never hugged him. Never told him I loved him. I never stood up for him at school. We know he would come home. We lived in Tulsa. I worked at a single father traveling the country. So we were in Tulsa and he’d come home. They call him the little Brown boy at school, you know picking on me, beating me up in the bathrooms and I would tell him, Oh, you’re just a little B word, fight back, quit being a little P word. And then now that I’m different and I, I know what I’m supposed to do now, man. I know where I went wrong, which has no discipline, no love and discipline is included in love. Don’t don’t, don’t misconstrue that you know, we think of love as this, this everything’s perfect.
Julian Morales (31:58):
Everything’s Oh, we’re so patient and we’re so loving over. So kind. Yes, love is all of that. Love also is though discipline structured, you know, reinforcement, positive reinforcement, negative. You know that all of that, his love is, is in love, is discipline. Everything that you’re supposed to do as a parent. And I wasn’t doing those things. So we’re where I feel with the short time that we’ve had real doc open. Here is a lot of these parents want to be friends with their kids. And and that ain’t our job. Our job is to be parents our job isn’t to snowplow the street for them so that they don’t have any obstacles in their way. Our job is to guide them through those obstacles, our job isn’t to get the snowplow and take off every speed bump ahead in the road. No, no, no, no, no.
Julian Morales (32:50):
Learn to go over that speed bump. I will be right here and I will show you how to get over it. So I believe that’s where a lot of parents have gone wrong is they’ve gone soft. We’re scared to call our kids out. We’re scared to have a confrontation with our kids. We’re scared to correct our kids. And then we’re scared for our kids to run into any problems. And what, what do we do? We take on those problems ourselves. And then our kids never develop those skills on how to, how to get away from this issue and how to, how to, how to analyze this. And what’s happening here. And it becomes overwhelming for them because they’ve never dealt with them. And then they become these, these adults that are just, you know, closed off from the world. It’s, it’s a sad thing. It’s a very sad thing.
Gordon Wat (33:39):
Let me ask you this. Since we’re going on our personal candidate, give me, is there a situation you just went through that, knowing that your change, man, you’re holding onto your second, third, fourth, some in fact, you might be holding onto your 10 chance, right? How have you changed and what recommendations could you give to someone who’s listening to this in the future,
Julian Morales (34:03):
Man, I, I go through situations daily, daily, you know, coming from prison and coming from the environment that we come from, Gordon, you know, that our triggers, our reactions are a lot different than people who have never experienced that. And so for me, I can’t count to 10 and become, I’ll give you an example last week or two weeks ago, you know, we live in a house that has an apartment next door and the apartment next door, we pay the bills and then they reimburse us. And I called and asked him for it. And he said something sideways, no granted to anybody else. It doesn’t sound sideways. Right? Like I said, I’m not everyone else. I’m 51 50. I mean, in prison, you call me the B word. You’re getting stabbed. You say, you say punk, you’re getting stabbed. Right.
Julian Morales (35:05):
So he texted back something and I start shaking and I’m about to blackout. And I tell my wife, you need to deal with this. And she sees me and I’m shaking. It. I’m about to. So I, I came to the room, I came into some prayer and then I just thought about, and reflected about all my times in prison about what it’s like being in there. And it caught me, it calmed me back down. And then I remembered, you know, my seven years in solitary. And I’m like, I don’t like that. I don’t want that anymore. But it’s hard. It is hard. It is hard Gordon to, to come out and deal with people’s attitudes and deal with the way people treat you, you know, as a black person, you know, when I go out with my cane I hear, I hear what people say.
Julian Morales (35:53):
I feel the stairs. And and believe me there’s times where people couldn’t get away with saying that to me before. So it’s, it’s been humbling. And, and you know, what I do is I just, I just sit back and I think about, and I think about what all I’ve gained and and what I don’t want to lose. And it brings me back to a piece, but it is hard every day to not lose. I’m not losing my cool and I want to snap and bring back the old Julian that I don’t want to see anymore. And I’m sure nobody else does that. Anger. Boy, I get scared because man, I know, I know, I know the things that
Gordon Wat (36:50):
Those of you that don’t understand what a management variable in his description, he did seven years, I believe in solitary confinement. That means no contact, no nothing. His man, his thoughts in a four by six sale would have probably a stainless steel tank that doesn’t nothing else and to have changed. And this is why I applaud mr. Julian Maryella’s for changing his life. Granted, I call him the blind King because, but to recognize the, the transformation as a parent, as, as an organized thought leader, as a community leader in his field in El Paso, Texas, and he’s on the border town guys, so you can do it. He can throw a stone and he’s right there in a,
Julian Morales (37:44):
Where does it go?
Gordon Wat (37:48):
So, you know, this man has been through some crap to be able to give you these second chances as a parent, as a person of the men of the man that he’s become is you don’t get to have this type of value that he’s been through. Because like you said, it takes a lot of a person, especially when you have a person with, I would say same thing to myself with that type of anger that has been bent pent up for all these years. Like I tell my nieces, you know, I have 1,065 hours of anger management and she goes, Oh, but are you worst in dead uncle? I said, you don’t want to find that out because it’s just, it’s became an, you know, it’s like part of the program is holding on dearly to second chances and you know, every, every now and then that old Julian comes out that old, that old, you know, that old enforcer that used to be there. Let me ask you this on another one, another question, I had a bunch of questions, but you mean, it’s like as, as a, as a parent, that’s has the second chances, how does it feel to be able to know that you’re controlling your emotions controlling, controlling the best that you can with your children, your time with the life that you’ve built?
Julian Morales (39:12):
Man, it brings me peace Gordon and it really does. I sit back and I reflect on, on the fights that I used to have with my son. The arguments we used to get into over the dumbest things I would get mad. You know, I’ll be completely honest and completely blunt, you know, there’s, there was times where I would smashes McDonald’s hamburgers and like throw him against the wall. And you know, one time we were at a restaurant and you know, I have my blind cane is six feet tall. It’s a big white cane. And then he pissed me off and I jabbed him in the ribs with it. And you know, it’s, it’s those things that I am so thankful that I was able to change. And most importantly, you know, that not all credit is, is, is to me, most importantly is to God, but you know, for my son to be able to forgive me, I’m real thankful that that he’s young.
Julian Morales (40:10):
He was young, he was young enough still. And old enough he’s young enough and old enough to understand that things can change and that I was a POS and that I’m totally different now. And for him to be able to see that and Gordon and viewers before all of this happened, my son was going down the same road. I was lazy, not doing schoolwork. I’m not involved in any sports, nothing. The minute I changed the mini, he saw me change and felt me change. And he changed on his own. You guys, he’s a straight day on the road and he’s he just made captain of the drill team for ROTC. Yeah. All within two months of me changing while school started. And then he changed on his own. And, and it’s all because examples and I didn’t, you know, there’s a, I saw a meme.
Julian Morales (41:14):
I saw a meme yesterday that said father tells his son watch where you step. And the son says, no, you watch where you step. Cause I’m stepping right behind you. So yeah. So man, I didn’t realize what path I was leading my son down. And everything he saw, everything here heard. And when my interactions my scheming, my, the way he was seeing you manipulate things, he, you know, and now I’m breaking those things out of him just the other day. I asked him to do something right. And he said he would do it. But then right before he said, Hey dad, but Saturday, can I go do something by a lot as you’re trying to manipulate the situation because you caught him. Yeah. I said, I’m gonna call you out on your BS. I said, that’s ugly. Don’t be that way.
Julian Morales (42:04):
I said, that’s very ugly. And you learned that from me. And I’m sorry. I think that’s the hardest thing. And I’ve said this over there’s once you change and you had your children and you change the hardest thing after you changed, it’s taking you out of them, taking the old person you just got rid of in you, that person has insight your children. Cause they’ve been watching, hearing, listening and following you. And now you changed. And guess what? Now you got to take your old self out of your kids and that’s if your kids follow your footsteps. Right, right. That was my situation where now I see every bit of the old me in my son sometimes. And I’m like, Oh, that’s disgusting. You can’t be that way. Cause that’s what I always tell my son. Don’t be like, your dad always be better than me. Always everything you hate about me, be better and everything you love about me. Hold on to that and add your better to that because you can always be better than me. I said, you have your whole life ahead of you. I’ve done all these things. I’ve been a POS. You know, like I tell the kids, I was Humpty Dumpty that fell off the wall. You’re Humpty Dumpty on the wall right now. And your theater it’s pottery. And that egg, that egg is still salvaged. You can still save it. Don’t be like me.
Julian Morales (43:39):
And now I’m put together and I have got real.
Gordon Wat (43:42):
You got everything on there.
Julian Morales (43:46):
These kids right now are still home. Man. They have cracks. They have fishers. They haven’t fallen off and we have to be there to catch them to not allow them to fall so that nobody has to be putting them back together as adults. You know, that way they’re a whole, they go into adulthood with a great understanding. They become great parents, which in turn, they raised great children, which in turn makes for a better society. That is social justice.
Gordon Wat (44:17):
That’s not that that’s. I never did think of it that way that you got to take the old person on it. Even, even when people see me now, I I’ve, I’ve been told, I’ve been told that according to either happiest, they can see it in my eyes, on my posts because of my son and everything goes, I miss. I mean, I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been, I’ve been, you know, I’ve already had the money. I’ve already had the businesses already.
Julian Morales (44:41):
Wait, wait, wait. I have a question for you and you brought this up. I’m going to ask you have a beautiful baby boy you’ve missed out. Like you said, on other opportunities with your girls, what, what are you taking from what you didn’t do when you girls? And I see the time you spent with your kid and the love you have for him and the interaction is that where that comes from is the fact that you missed out on that. And it’s not that you’re trying to make up because we can never make up. Are you just trying to make things better?
Gordon Wat (45:22):
For me, it’s all about holding on to that second chance, having that true redemption that I lost. So I did everything wrong on the left, on the left side, basically. So why not try, do everything right to the right side and use my experiences. Like even, even when my wife talks, talks to me about is like, you know, she goes, how come, how come this person, you helping this person makes some money helping this person do this. I said, but there’s a cost, right? You won’t, you won’t be able to see me in the mornings or you won’t and waking up with, with, and then the first thing he does is smile at me or he looks for me, right? So it’s like, I missed all of that. And this is why I put, I don’t go full blown into business right now because I have my priorities straight and just, it’s actually holding on to the things I missed.
Gordon Wat (46:14):
I mean, I miss completely right. Everything else. So those was one of those things that I wanted to cherish. And you know, if I was to say something was to happen to me, at least I know in my heart, in my soul that I’ve reached that pinnacle where I know the difference. Right? So that’s why, that’s why you see me in the way, the small things, the small, like you said, the small things is the one that counts, right? That’s small things is the one that you take for granted even no matter when time or what it doesn’t matter because this way, you know, you can cherish those moments, especially, especially for you. Me. When, when we used to sit in a cell, you only dream about the stuff we are living. Now, it doesn’t come with money. It doesn’t come with the cars. It doesn’t come with the bank. Flicka, doesn’t come with a safe, full of money. And you know what, when they talk about when, when I talked to a personal coach, that there was on the show a few weeks ago, when you have, when you’re in tune with everything, with purpose and fulfillment and being aligned with what’s on shit, nothing matters, nothing matters. And to get to that point, it took, how many years did it take for you?
Julian Morales (47:39):
36 years to be free.
Gordon Wat (47:42):
It took me half my life, right? A half my life. Most of it being in pre in and out of prison, jacked up on dope, doing stupid things. And it’s like, when, you know, even for my job right now, it’s like, I deal with knuckle knuckleheads client, not clients, but I guess this, this net and they come out sideways, but I’m like, yeah, they don’t want, they don’t want to know about some of them. Some of them I give it to, I give it to them raw. And they kind of respect me for that, depending on who it is. But yeah. I mean, that’s, that’s just, you want it to know? I give you the real hard truth is it’s more of holding on to that. My, for me, it might be my 10 chance, cause you’re not supposed to be your annually. Like we keep saying, and we make the best of it. And at the same time changing other, other people’s lives for the better, right? Yes. You mean, so look, let me ask you this, any closing remarks before we end, how we can reach you if during the El Paso, Texas area, what you stand for. Isn’t any closing remarks before we end this up?
Julian Morales (48:48):
Yeah. So just really quick, I’ll plug in my show. It’s going to be on a Wednesday at 7:00 PM mountain time. We will be talking on real talk real topics. I’m going to have Marvin Reynolds on we’re going to be sharing our conversations with our kids during these trying times. Now we both are from different walks of life. I am Hispanic a felon been in prison, gang member. He is an African American male who has never been incarcerated. He has like six or seven kids. He’s a good father, never been in trouble and we’re just going to share our insight. And they, they are just that opinions and insight on the kind of conversations we’re having with our kids and what we’re bringing to our dinner table with our children. And then another thing I want to leave everybody with is, you know, just love your kids.
Julian Morales (49:45):
You guys love your kids. We go out to these schools. We, we go out to these meetings and these children’s, these children’s, these children need their fathers. You know, I, I, I’ve had one on ones, many of times with these young boys that come sit next to me and there, the minute I say, you know, what is your dad in your life? They break down crying because all they want is their dad. And you guys, if you’re a dad, if you’re a father and and you have kids reach out, love them, love them. And then hold them, cherish them and hug them at night. If you live with your kids, hug them every night, you let them know, you love them, discipline them, and then always be real with your kids. You guys always be real because there’s enough fakeness out in the world. There’s enough fakeness on their phone, through Instagram, through Facebook teach them what’s real. Be real, be the one real thing in their life.
Gordon Wat (50:47):
How can they reach you on any of the platforms in case they’re in your area?
Julian Morales (50:51):
You guys can go to real talk EAP on YouTube or real talk youth impact program EAP like El Paso. You can go to Facebook at real talk EAP. You can find us on Instagram, real underscore talk, underscore EAP and on Twitter at real talking P as well. And we are doing our live streams. Simultaneously just like Gordon is on YouTube and on Facebook. And like I said, next Wednesday at 7:00 PM mountain time find us, you can reach out to real talk, real talk. U p.org. If anyone wants to be on the show, if you want to just converse, you have an opinion. You want something to share reach out to myself or to Gordon. You can reach me at info at [inaudible] dot org. And we’ll get you on my show or Gordon show. And yeah, it doesn’t matter if you’re, I have a story to tell a story, a story of change you’ve been through hell and the devil didn’t know you were there because you got out so fast. Give us a call, give us a call. We want to hear that story.
Gordon Wat (51:58):
You guys are welcome. I mean, that will come up. Thank you, Juliet. My cohost. You didn’t know. We’re getting back to the swing of things. Everything is off. If you’ve got a story to share guys, if PZ reach out to me, Julian, you can reach me an idea. Gordon underscore G underscore dot watt, or find me on Facebook. And I want to hear your redemption story. If you’re watching this on the live, please leave a comment. If you’re going to be watching this on the replay, please leave a comment, message me. If you’re watching this on YouTube, hit the likes, the thumbs up, thumbs down, subscribe, like comment, figure it out.
Julian Morales (52:34):
The YouTube thing. Don’t forget. Don’t forget the common rate. Add, share that.
Gordon Wat (52:41):
If you’re listening to this on the podcast, please reach out guys. Because a lot of times your story might be the one that changes somebody else’s life. And this is what me and Julian and the rest of the, my a real talk members. Even the ones that bring on the show, we all have stories to tell. I want to share them with the world so that people can change their lives with their all right, mr. Julian Morales, always a pleasure. We will more often with the real topics, right? Figure out how we can get more of these in your hands. You have a good day brother to you next week. I might have another guest next week. That’s launching her book depending, but you know, everybody has a story. Everybody wants to share. Everybody wants to have a voice to be heard. I want to provide that for you guys, especially if you’ve overcame some sort of adversity. All right, you guys have beautiful weekend. What do you guys stay? Bliss. All right. See you guys. Bye. Bye.